other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
