i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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