I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
