I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
