There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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