is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
jump out the window naked night went bad
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
