my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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