I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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