I could make wine with my vomit
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
