is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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