maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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