I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
