guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
