Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
