I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
