He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
