he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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