I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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