i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
