so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
