tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
