my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
