i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
