Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He did a backflip because drugs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
