I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
