I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
