id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
