I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
