Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
