I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
