I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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