Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
