please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
