i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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