but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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