I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He passed out mid-signature
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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