what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
