i think my tv is drunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
