her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
