im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
