Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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