i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
