i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
