my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
