He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
