Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
