You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She bit a glass in half.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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