we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
