dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
