if i can run in heels then i can drive
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
